Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
