I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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