She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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