So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Drunk is not a location!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
