my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think people are normalizing furries
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
