Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
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