you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize