I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
