If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
