Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
