I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
