Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
