Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
