I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
