two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
