Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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