just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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