Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize