it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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