Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
