miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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