i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
