The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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