so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
