took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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