Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
