Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
zippers are such a cool invention
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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