Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i believe in u and ur pee
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
