I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I don't deserve a penis
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
