Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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