Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
