im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
