just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
