In the future we'll all be gay
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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