Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
