im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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