No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
