my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
