Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
