you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
