I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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