oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
