i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
