there was a trapeze. enough said
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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