Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
