Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
sarcasm needs its own font
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
