your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
