she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
