You really coming over, don't trick.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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