Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
