I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
