if only i could text you this smell
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
