i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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