shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize