I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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