Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
