What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
