don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
sarcasm needs its own font
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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