i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
