I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
