so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
