i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
