I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
