Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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