all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize