Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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