yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
a search helicopter?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
