just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
