Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
