Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
