The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
