Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
