She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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