come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
