the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
