i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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