True but thats because hes a fetus.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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