And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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