I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I party with great urgency now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
