Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
