Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
