Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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